My Marriage Vows
Love is not all you need
I got married on the 1st July 2023. We’ve been together since 2016.
We crafted 5 values which underpin the success of our relationship, and what we aspire to commit to every day.
During our ceremony we both offered a speech; to each other and to our community. We wished to offer the ingredients of our relationship, and what it really means, for us, to commit. The beauty and the hard reality of being in love.
Below is the poem I wrote that are my vows to this beautiful man, and what I shared on that balmy summer’s day.
Honesty
Responsibility
Team Spirit
Cherishing
Staying Power
Love is not all you need
Love alone is not enough
Love needs Honesty
Above all else
honesty
Honesty is to love
as water is to fish
As sunlight is to plants
Without honesty,
love is like a bird with one wing
Let’s be real
It takes courage to be honest
It takes courage to be honest with yourself
because, well
the truth
Can be pretty inconvenient
But when I lie to myself
When I withhold from you
It is like ignoring holes in the boat
Hoping all will be well
And slowly, quietly, sinking
My commitment to you
Is to have the courage to rock the boat
To save it from going under
To get down in the hull
and fill that hole
With my tender, my raw
My sometimes excruciating
Truth
Because love is not all you need
Love alone is not enough
Love needs responsibility
Two pillars holding up the house
Standing side by side
Facing out towards life
Self responsibility means
To keep our own sides of the street clean
It's the strength to really listen
and own what is rightfully mine
To apologise every single time
I fall out of line
To hold my hands up and say
‘I’m sorry’
‘I was wrong’
Responsibility is to feel all that needs to be felt
To know when to ask for help
Grieve what’s lost
and forgive what’s past
A great love should continue to show
the ways in which we need to grow
Because Love is not all you need
Love alone is not enough
Love needs Team Spirit
Beyond the battle of desires
Beyond ideas of right and wrong
Beyond me vs you
Is where Team Spirit lives
I’ll meet you there
Team spirit is tacking
Back and forth across the ocean
Towards a shared destination
Is to give and take
Is the wisdom to know
When to wait
and what to sacrifice
Team spirit is to say
I am more than this body
I am more than this single entity
Floating through life
I am part of something greater than myself
Something worth setting aside
My superficial desires for
Team spirit it is to say
I will be there
Night or day
For as long as it takes
Because Love is not all you need
Love alone is not enough
Love needs Cherishing
You deserve to be cherished
And every day with you is precious
We all have our holes
And yours are edged with gold
That say ‘we don’t know what tomorrow brings’
You teach me to never take this for granted
May I never take you for granted
But cherish you the way darkness cherishes the seed
So that you may root down
and find security in the muddy cuddle of the ground
May I be the ground that holds, protects and nurtures you
May you feel solid in the soil of my love
And hear words of praise
Each day that you wake
So that there can be no doubt in your mind
That you are the one I love
Cherishing is the sweetness of life
It’s what keeps love alive
Cherish little and often
Because Love is not all you need
Love alone is not enough
Love needs Staying Power
The power to stay
The power to hold fast
Hold on in rough storms
Hold in my heart the bigger picture
Hold your hand through hard times
I will be here
Staying power is the anchor
That allows all else to thrive and grow
In the safety of knowing
I will be here
It is the ground from which
we can take great leaps and risks
Seeking novelty and exhilaration
Weathering boredom and frustration
In sickness and in health
I will be here
Because love is not all you need
Love alone is not enough
